If I weren’t a blogger, what would I be?
This question keeps coming back to me these days. Why? Call it an existential dilemma or a mid-life crisis. Actually, don’t call it the latter. I’m not middle-aged. Yet.
A part of my being whispers it, in the softest of tones, almost inaudibly so. I can hear it only when my soul is absolutely receptive and the head completely still and willing to take in everything.
The words come to me, in a querying tone, ‘I had a dream that I would be…’ and then it fades into the realm of what-ifs and suppose, losing itself in the mire of unfulfilled aspirations.
Don’t get me wrong. I love blogging. Once upon a time, I was absolutely addicted to it too! But that’s changed now. I still love it, but I don’t lose sleep over the fact that my blog hasn’t been updated or that there haven’t been enough comments or views. Call it growing wiser or older. (Again, skip the latter, for my sake.)
Since we’re supposing, I’ll admit that if I could do anything other than blogging, I’d have continued to teach. The connections I made, the questions I heard, the energy I could sense in a room full of eager young minds were all so inspiring that it took my breath away.
Teaching also gave me something that blogging can never completely give me- a balanced and level-headed interaction at all times. If a student asked me a question, I’d be watching his body language, the hand movements, his expressions, the tone of his voice and the content all at once and gauge my response accordingly. I’d be honest, but I’d keep all of that in mind while sharing my reply.
Blogging doesn’t allow that, most of the time. Our responses are either couched in easy comfort where we thank people for reading our thoughts or, occasionally, become belligerent in trying to defend our point of view.
You don’t even have to be a blogger to understand what I mean. You just need to have a presence on social media. Say something, say anything and chances are 9 times out of 10, you’ll end up annoying someone. Most of the time, it’s misinterpreted, your motive, and you have to firefight it.
That’s very tiring, to be honest. I doubt I can do it for much longer. As much as I love blogging and the connections, my soul cannot take much more of the negativity online. It’s why I stay offline more and more these days and time my social media presence to the minimum.
Some day, I’d like to go back to teaching- to feel the pulsating sense of joy when wisdom is shared and received, to listen with my heart when anything is open for debate and to always be grateful for the connections that make us human.
So, dear blogger, tell me your dream:
What would you have liked to be?