I turned a year older this month. I know that probably calls for some sort of celebration, maybe a party replete with streamers, cake, party hats and candles. Lots of candles. Yet, it doesn’t feel warranted on any level.
Contrary to what you may think, I actually love birthdays. I look forward to them with an eagerness that could rival a child’s impatience on Christmas Eve. The night before my birthday, sleep eludes me. Every year, I tell myself that this time will be different but it isn’t. I stay up past midnight, knowing that close friends will send wishes my way. There is a certain assured feeling about the whole thing that makes me ponder on this primal need to connect, to feel loved and to feel special.
What is the significance of a birthday, after all? Celebrating the day we screamed our way into existence hardly seems to justify cake, unless you are a ten-year-old with an insatiable desire for cake (which doesn’t necessarily imply that we need a birthday at the age of 37!).
Yes, that’s how old I am now. I am officially past the barrier of worrying about what people will think of me when I tell them that I am a 37-year-old mother who works from home, blogs a good deal and dreams enviously of a day when she will sell many, many copies of her unwritten book.
A year ago, I tentatively used to tell people that I blog, acutely self-conscious and shuffling my feet in embarrassment. Now, I’m on the verge of printing out business cards with a logo and a fancy font that proclaims the same thing. (I’m kidding!)
To a large extent, social media with its in-your-face proclamation of everything from birthdays to what the pet hamster had for dinner, has been responsible. While my public, blogging persona is pretty active, churning out posts and promoting them everywhere, the introvert in me stays wrapped in a protective cocoon of comfort, sharing what I choose with the people I count closest to my heart.
Truth be told, there is a greater sense of calm, more happiness and far more love in my life right now than ever.So, the dichotomy is this, I realise: I love birthdays; it’s the public celebration that I don’t love anymore.
It wasn’t always this way-this need to break away from pomp. Somewhere between the thirty-six candles and the blown-out wishes, my heart seemed to say Enough. Take a breath, slow down, pause and reflect upon what it means to have lived on this planet for thirty-seven years.
In that stillness, in that glorious infinitesimal second that is a cocktail of emotions across nearly four decades, my soul whispers, ‘Celebrate the day when you are at complete peace with yourself.’ Now that is a day I won’t mind lighting a candle. Or thirty-seven.
~~~
Thank you Asha! Apologies for the LATE reply 😀
Thank you!
Birthdays are still special. I still feel warm and fuzzy, just not shout out loud celebratory 🙂
I think I do that too, Meg. Celebrating my friends seems so much more relevant today 🙂
Beautiful post Shailaja ! I loved those ending lines.
Happy Birthday. I wish you all the best things in life
37? You are kidding Shailaja. But I totally understand what you have written. Birthdays can be as celebratory or as peaceful as we want them to be. 🙂 But birthdays in particular need to be special no matter what is what my thought would be.
Happy birthday, my friend! The older I get, the less I celebrate my birthday but the more I celebrate my friends and the love of my life.
Well, that IS a lovely thought now. Celebrate everything 🙂 Thank you so much!
Happy Birthday, and I say don’t choose, celebrate everything!!
As well you should 😀 Enjoy it all. Thank you so much!
Did you ever doubt that? 😉
Thank you so very much 🙂
Thank you 🙂
Oh I love birthdays too! And I think I’ll want cake and celebrations on my b’day even when I’m 50!
Happy belated birthday Shailaja 🙂
37?? I’m sure you grow awesome with every year! 😀
Happy Birthday! This is lovely and you can celebrate anyway you want, big or small. I wish you many more!
Sometimes, the truth is awesome in itself. 😛
Now there is a wish I fervently hopes comes true, Inderpreet. Thank you <3
I am glad to hear it, Sonia. Thank you 🙂
I still cut a cake if my close friends or family makes/brings it over. I love the warmth that it indicates. But the idea of celebrations has toned down considerably and I am happier for it.
You DO know how to make me feel happy, you know that? 🙂
Well, you should totally have the cake then 🙂 Nothing must come in your way. Yes, the day is happy, no doubt about it. What am I taking away from it, is the question here 🙂
I want a cake no matter what age I am… and those 12 am wishes by dear ones. And public celebs is a no no… too loud I would say. But the happy feel on that day itself is so special. 🙂
Wishing you a very happy birthday! 😀 Your writing deserves a celebration, every day! 🙂
I haven’t been big on birthdays in that I rarely have huge celebrations. I love celebrating it with close friends though. The biggest birthday I probably had was for my 30th with about 18 friends and I had a BBQ. As for cakes and candles, I only do cakes if someone has bought it…else it’s no big deal.
Happy birthday again! 🙂
Happy birthday to you dearest Shailaja. May always have inner peace.
Happy Birthday! I think these are some wonderful thoughts to have on a birthday!
I insist that you do come down 🙂
Yay! How about I come down to Bangalore this year 😉 Just kidding 😀 But I am looking forward to the day I will finally meet you 🙂
Thanks Niharika 🙂
Aww thanks Janaki. Yes, they are. Like I said, I celebrate them with close family and friends not with pomp and show anymore. Thank you for the warm wishes <3
What? You don’t think I was wise beyond my years? 😉
Aww, Swathi. I think you deserve to celebrate them, my dear. Five is too young to have stopped celebrating them. If we ever meet, I will throw you a party, ok? Full of candles and cake <3
Shailaja happy birthday?.Wah what a thought provoking post. Really enjoyed read. Will try to put it into practice.???
Shailaja happy birthday?.Wah what a thought provoking post. Really enjoyed read. Will try to it into practice.???
Wishing you a very happy birthday. Whether you celebrate birthdays or not…they are still special.
You’re welcome
Phew my dear, that’s quite some contemplation. The added year seems to have made you a whole lot wiser ;). May you always have your cake and eat it too. Much love <3.
I haven’t celebrated birthdays after my 5th birthday. I wanted to have parties and make a big deal of my birthday but I was always told that I am not a small kid now and I am past the age of celebrating birthdays. I guess that is where my aversion to birthdays started. I don’t look forward to the day because I know it is going to be just another year! I will light a candle when I have a proper celebration 😉 😛
That’s a really wonderful wish to carry into the next year, Rachna. Thank you so much 🙂 Naughty, indeed. Well into the sunset years, I hope 😉
That is such a calm and lovely way of ushering in another year. I actually don’t care much for cake but if the family brings it, I cut it. 🙂 I do love baking a cake for everyone else’s birthday most times. My visiting card does mention my blog but it is nothing blingy. The irony is that I hardly carry it in my purse. Yep, I am that mad. 🙂
My wish is that you always stay this warm, sorted, spectacular and naughty. 😉 Lots of love
Thank you! And what? No card!? I had this whole Harry Potter theme picked out too! 😛
Aww, thank you <3
I think that comment just made me realise why I write. The sincere feedback from fellow writers is such a wonderful boost. Thank you, Henrietta <3
I am at peace on most days, Elly 🙂 Just that the feeling of utter peace and content is elusive and I will take my time to get there. Thank you for reading 🙂
I think i’ll still want cake even if i was 80. But then that’s perhaps my affinity towards cake.
I’ve already wished you, so not doing so again. But my thoughts resonate very closely with yours.
And as for what you do, i am glad that there is jo shuffling feet or apprehension when you talk about what you do and where you are. You are doing what you do best and that makes you happy. So be proud and continue writing. (The ‘bling’ business card is a no, btw) 😛
I remember being 37. Enjoy it! 🙂
Happy Birthday! You’re a wonderful writer, write so eloquently and in such a thought provoking manner.
Happy birthday Shailaja! And it’s not that many candles really, well in comparison to me! 😉 I love what you say about celebrating when you are at complete peace with yourself..Definitely worth celebrating, and hope you get to that, soon! 🙂 <3
Aww thank you Luccia 🙂 I still adore birthdays and the fact that people love me enough to send wishes my way. I guess I am just tired of the social media overload on some days. Maybe I am getting old. Oh wait 😉
Happy birthday!??I’ll be celebrating 20 years more than you in just over a month’s time, and I’m excited, too. I also still love my birthday. I always prepare a special treat for myself ? I think I deserve it! I’m sure you do, too!