Not a Bad Person

Good writing comes from experiences. Great writing comes from painful ones.

Is that a quote? It should be, because it is so damn true! Oh and this is also officially the first close swear word I have used in a public space. I figured the end of a year, that both sucked and soared, kind of merits that.

You see, I am not a bad person. I know how trite and self-serving that sounds, but it’s justified. I don’t go out of my way to make people feel bad or hurt people wilfully or look down my nose at others. I have already written my end of 2014 posts- the one which tied things up in a neat bow with regard to my WordPress stats, the one where I spoke about having zero resolutions and even one with a wish list for my daughter. But, this post has to be written before the clock touches midnight, before I wake up tomorrow with the feeling of annoyance gone. I need to share my hurt or at least a modicum of it before the morning makes everything seem so much better.

2014 was my best year- blog-wise. It opened up so many, many, many connections in the blogging world. I touched base with people I had never known 12 months ago and forged a bond with so many, so instinctively. With others, I took my time, but built those as well, at my own pace, getting comfortable as and when I felt it was required.

Contrary to what my voluble Facebook status updates might say or my Twitter rants may reveal, I am a very private person.

You shouldn’t be writing a blog then!

Yes, thank you. I realise the irony. That’s the whole point of a blog, though, isn’t it? It allows us our space to be as open and as frank as we want, without feeling awkward about what people in real life would say. If my last year of blogging has taught me anything, it is that my real world connections and my virtual connections are almost mutually exclusive. I have a handful of my friends who actually read my posts. The others who read them are bloggers, not unlike myself. Do you know how spectacular that is? Of the 14,000 views on my blog this year, nearly 90 % of those are from writers like me, putting their thoughts out there for the world to see, judge, ignore or be indifferent to.

Today, after nearly 3 months of toying with a relationship and wondering if it was going anywhere, I decided to let it go. The person on the other end has not responded to my olive branch, sent in a myriad different ways. At some point, I must realise that some relationships are short-term. I questioned why I tried so hard to mend the crack in our interaction.

Then, another friend told me, “It’s because you always try to see the good in people.” Perhaps that’s true. Maybe it’s naive. But, it doesn’t change the fact that I will keep trying to do that. The seeing the good, I mean, not the continued extension of the peace pact.

Writing about it today has done one very important thing for me. It has helped me heal. Now, I look back at the bond with lots of gratitude plus a lot of regret. But, I am finally at peace. I bear no ill-will towards those people who choose to stay away from me.

It’s like my dad says ever so often, ‘They are the angels in your life. They help you become a better person.’

Thank you, 2014, for making me more aware. I end this year on a note of gratitude.

Linking this up with Yeah Write Moonshine # 194

14 thoughts on “Not a Bad Person

  1. I believe we can be honest and authentic without sacrificing our private lives, and you manage it beautifully here. Here’s to learning and moving on from painful relationships.

  2. Sweet and sour remnisces, Shailaja. Hold on to the good ones and learn from the bad ones. Have a fabulous year ahead 🙂

  3. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through a difficult relationship. I hope writing it out has helped to process the pain – I know writing certainly does that for me! All the very best to you in 2015, my friend.

  4. Letting go always comes with its baggage and set of teachings. More often than never one of these leads to another. Here’s hoping to a bright 2015 with many loved ones and lesser misunderstandings 🙂


  5. 2014 was the best year for me too so far! 🙂 And writing always helps and heals! 🙂 Kudos to Blogging! 😀 🙂

  6. It’s very important to let go of people who don’t realize our value, isn’t it?? I am struggling to learn it too. And I completely understand when you say writing about it soothes the wound. I feel it too when I pour out my emotions through my writing!

  7. Letting go of people who don’t care enough about you or realise that they are not as perfect and ‘holy’ as they seem to portray – Step number one 🙂 And you’ve just taken it. Congrats, Shailaja. And I hope 2015 is as awesome for you as I hope it will be.

  8. I agree with your dad, Shailaja, and with you too. I am a very private person, but blogging is different and meeting like-minded people here is all together one another world kind of feeling! Happy New Year to you!

  9. The good in you is making you see the good in others. And that is good. It is great that such people are around, making you see the good in you. 🙂 Happy New Year dear. <3

  10. Your dad is so true, Shailaja. And, I can very well understand how you must feel….letting go of people who have been close can be so painful. Learning that some people come into your life for a short while is a tough lesson. But, it is like the bitter pill! Just gulp it down!
    May you have a fabulous new year and may your friends stay with you…always, always! God bless!

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