It’s no news that we all feel overwhelmed by social media. It appears to be par for the course, actually. I’ve been reading a lot- online and offline- in the last couple of months that has led to a fragmented but better understanding of the whole complex algorithm that is social media interaction.
Remember my post, ‘The Myth about being connected?’ That actually came after a rather overwhelming month of blogging every single day in April, because of the A-Z Challenge.
Soon after that month, I slowed down from the frenzy of daily blogging and daily interactions, retweets, shares, comments and ‘likes’ to take a break from my blogs. I went away on vacation for two weeks and even deactivated my Facebook account for about three days.
Yet, when I came back from my travels, I noticed something interesting. I wanted to write again, blog again, feel the rush of words surging through the nerves in my finger tips and fly over the keyboard, saying what needs to be said. Mind you, this may be the fallout of a very relaxed, minimally- connected vacation, of course. But, whereas blogging challenges are all about how many connections (emotional/ intellectual) you can make and keep through your words, blogging or writing, by itself, is not. Let me explain.
The day after I came back , I chanced upon this piece by Silverleaf, who is a writer I admire. If you read it, it captures what I am talking about, where we write, liberated from our expectations- not just from the world of social media, but from ourselves.
I also came across this other article on my timeline that said we ought not to share our vacation experiences with our friends, because it just makes them feel worse that they haven’t taken one. Now that made me pause. So, I am not supposed to share pictures/ say that I enjoyed myself with the people on my friend list? Why exactly?
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The article has some points that I disagree with, so let me put those down here. First, it all depends on the frame of mind that you/ your friends occupy. Have you ever noticed how happy you are for another person? Have you, more importantly, wondered why you are happy for them? It’s because you have no expectations of them. You realise that people are happy, that they want to share their joy and that you are genuinely pleased.
But, and it’s a big BUT, what of the times when you feel jealous or downright sad at someone else’s success/ joy? Yes, it happens and don’t you deny it. We’re human, after all. This actually warrants a look at ourselves. There is a high probability that there are a set of circumstances in our lives at a particular point that make us vulnerable. While we are in that space, we cannot wholeheartedly feel happy when someone publishes a book while we struggle to put words together.
We can’t jump for joy at the sight of a sunrise when we are stuck in a place lashed by torrential rains, day in and day out. We may mouth ‘Congratulations’ to someone who bags a new project while seething within about the fact that we can’t even leave the four walls of our homes.
And guess what, that’s okay too. This feeling of jealousy, the inadequacy, the anger, the bitterness. They are all part of being and existing. Where it gets dangerous is when you feel these emotions dominate your life. THAT’s where social media comes in.
At the core, I am two people: I am like the cautious swimmer who tests the waters by dipping her toe into the shallow end of the pool on some days. Other days I jump right in, raring to go and waiting for the cold splash to hit me in the face.
Social media thrives on the principle of sharing. It is the crux of the word ‘social’. People share their ideas, thoughts, pictures, concepts, experiences day in and day out, sometimes as part of their jobs and other times as part of their daily lives. In fact, if you notice, you don’t feel jealous about travel writers, because you know it’s part of their job description.
We cannot really stop it and we shouldn’t. So what can we do?
- We watch out for the triggers. If you notice that status after status about travel updates and pictures of sunrises are making your blood boil, turn off social media.
- Pick up a book, listen to some music and just move away from the trigger.
- Don’t let yourself be sucked into the whirlpool of negative emotions. Stay on the shore and watch the waves dash against the rocks. Just make sure you are far enough away not to feel the impact.
- A big part of personal growth comes from the ability to watch a negative emotion, dispassionately, without being overwhelmed by it. I’m not exactly there yet, but I am working towards it, every single day.
It’s a tricky thing to navigate the sea of blogging, writing, interactions and social growth without feeling the pinch. I notice that there are periods when I can blog daily, write every single day without feeling the stress or the pressure. I know that’s when I am writing for myself, ripping the words from my soul and putting it out there for it to be seen/ gather dust. I know there are posts that people will skip reading. That’s just fine too.
Because, at the end of the day, no matter how social we are in the world of social interactions, we are all intensely private individuals. That’s the way it is and there’s something beautiful about it too.
*Featured image : Shutterstock
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How nice of you to say that! I’m actually doing a fair bit of research in this area thanks to working on my book. I’ll definitely try and do something on these lines once a month. ?
this is like a detox methodology from Social Media and how one should not allow it to affect the mental health . very nicely written Shailaja. Can we expect more of these atleast once a month
I think that has kind of also germinated for a while now in my head and given rise to the #100HappyPosts idea. I am hoping THIS is the way forward for social media 🙂
Yes, I agree. Some days are just off no matter who…..what was i thinking?
I would rather have my timeline filled with happy beautiful memories than whiny things that people have to say. Strong negative words is too much to take specially when you open Facebook first thing in the morning.
You have put human emotions brilliantly.
I do. 😛
Once we put our minds to it: Do you realise how challenging that is? 🙂 Thanks Shantala.
Thanks Niharika. Much appreciated <3
Better earlier than later, my dear 🙂 Trust me, it’s an addictive road once you walk down it long enough 🙂
Your thoughts echo mine. I think the key is balance and moderation. Not that difficult to accomplish once you put your mind to it. Good one, Shailaja. 🙂
What a well written post Shailaja .THis post of yours has bowed me over.A lovely read.?.
Very aptly put Shailaja. loved reading it..
I will definitely get away from the stimuli when I see myself being negatively affected by it ..
It’s not always that simple for people, Inderpreet. Some people suffer from terribly low self-esteem due to their circumstances. Sometimes even the happy ones go through a low patch. You can’t blame them. It’s not that easy to look for positive reinforcement all the time.
Overdose, no. Moderation, yes. The thing is, what is moderate for one may be an overdose for another, so there really is no clear solution, if you think about it. We ought to do what we are comfortable with 🙂
Sometimes it’s rather difficult, right? But, we live and learn 🙂
Aww thank you so much, Lavanya! I really appreciate you reading and commenting <3
Perfectly okay to feel jealous, although, trust me, you have nothing to be jealous about. You write very well 🙂 Thanks for all the love, my dear. <3
Well said, Kalpana. That’s about all it takes- doesn’t it? Look and not get sucked in. Took a long time to practise though 🙂
With support like yours, how can I not ? 😀
Very true, Bilna. As long as you have a handle on the whole thing, it shouldn’t be a problem 🙂
Aw pls do come back all refreshed with fresher content. We are addicted, arent we?
That’s great to hear, Elly. I am sure you can try it out and tell me how it goes 🙂
Very true, Vishal. Hardly anyone takes the time to do it though. We are so busy rushing about, finding things to do that we never pause to drink deep and savour life’s moments. More’s the pity.
Agree Lata. It can be overwhelming, which is why I take that oft-needed break now and then. It helps the dust settle. i am strongly tempted not to come back sometimes 😉
Learning to be objective came at great personal cost to me, Jaibala. I lost a few friends along the way because I was too involved- both with myself and perhaps their reactions. Once I set myself free of expectations, my life got better. This doesn’t mean it’s all a cakewalk though. I still tread carefully 🙂
Exactly. What one person finds funny at one point can be misinterpreted at others, right? Our individual mechanisms come into play after a lot of falls and stumbles, but I think/hope I finally have found my sense of balance. Thanks Rachna 🙂
Exactly Aparna. The thing is we are always going to offend people- even with our joy and happiness. How much of it can we practically anticipate? My guess- none. So let’s share and do everything in moderation.
You break really got your thoughts settled Shailaja but I would still like to see some pictures. I feel if we are so tempted and influenced by media then we need to strengthen our mind and look for positive reinforcement in all shares, even those that make us jealous and make our self work towards our goals and use the tips offered.
The thing about social media is that it isn’t really personal after all. When I see people sharing some really bizarre stuff on social media like ‘having fever’, ‘in pain’ etc. all I can do is laugh :P.
In the end, it’s all about being able to keep personal life exactly that – ‘Personal’. Social media does help us keep in touch but an overdose of anything isn’t good, is it?
P.S. I agree with your points. And well-written, as always.
I think we all need to draw that line between social media and the personal life.
My God! So much gyaan 🙂
Wow..Shailaja..sometimes you want someone to tell you” that thing” which you ought to do…and this one is of that kind!!Well- written.
Shailaja, while reading your post, I was wishing it would go on and on, and I could keep reading it…
I do agree with what you said here. But, the topic apart, I simply loved how you expressed yourself. Wonder when I will be able to do that! There, do I sound jealous? 🙂 But, that’s okay, isn’t it? Part of being a thinking, feeling human being, right? 🙂
Love you!
This post is an eye opener. The demarcation between personal and social media life is blurring. Sharing pictures of vacations is kije peeping into someone else moments for a while and savoring them and at the same time remembering our own fullfilled holiday moments . I love and enjoy seeing pics of others vacationing which gives a brief idea of my next vacation.
While social media…its dangers and negative impact confuses many, like you said…there is positive sides too…i have been able to reconnect with many good old long lost friends….it also helps me stay updated with all happenings and updates about all my friends even when there is no enough tjme to call them all very often….
Great post Shailaja, thanks for sharing. 🙂 It is easy to get caught in the mental and especially emotional aspects of blogging challenges and also easily overwhelmed too! I know I was during and after and it seemed a number of other bloggers who participated felt the same way judging by their posts after the challenge and/or their comments. 😉 Lucky you for taking two weeks off social media! Good for you for doing so! 🙂 And no, I’m not jealous, just admire you for doing so…not sure how to pull away or rather unplug from it. Easier said than done I think! 😉 Good for you for doing so! 😉 <3
So well assessed on the nature of human beings watching troubled waters before jumping in. Making someone day with a kind word is something that makes our day too and brightening lives.
It is really important to keep private and public separate. But the greatest boon of social media is that I am connected to so much family and friends now which was not the case even 3 years back. But, seriously, I dont want to know how the ‘Upma’ turned out or if someone was ‘feeling bored’ what is it that we can do about it. If used optimally, its a great tool.
There are only a few place I would share personal stuff on Social Media. You know all of them 😉 (Alright I confess its the only place I’d share anything). But then I get it, every time I upload a new profile picture, I wonder and think and debate and then upload. I am still caught up in the whole web of emotions and all. But, learning to be more objective in my approach.
I agree. It is not the medium but the mindset you are in that makes you react to something. At times banter is fun, at other times it seems puerile. Some good pointers there. If I find someone’s updates bothering me, I unfollow that person. Like you said, it is for us to address the triggers. We all enjoy social media. But wd must all figure out our individual mechanisms to utilize it optimally.
Well said Shailaja :). This echoes a lot of my thoughts as well. While I don’t share personal stuff too much on social media, the few times that I do, I definitely wouldn’t want to keep second-guessing!